Monday, May 7, 2012

10 Things in a Divorced Night Owl's Morning

My kids are at their dads' house during the weekends.  On Mondays, after dropping off the girls at school, my ex-husband brings their stuff to my house.

I am a night owl.  Night owls like the night.  Monday mornings are difficult for night owls.  Therefore, greeting my ex-husband on Monday mornings is difficult for me.

10 Point Excerpt of My Week's First Hour:

8:15 a.m.: Wake startled wondering why I didn’t choose to vacuum before going to bed at 3:30 am

8:20 a.m.: Go downstairs to the basement, retrieve dogs from their kennel, and let them outside.

8:22 a.m.: Light incense so that my ex-husband doesn’t realize I allow his kids to live in a house that smells like Chihuahuas.

8:25 a.m.: Girls’ dad pulls into my driveway, I frantically plug in the mini-shop-vac, turn it on, and begin to guide the machine in sucking up dog hair.

8:26 a.m.: He knocks at door, I can’t hear him due to the vacuuming.

8:27 a.m.: He knocks at window, it startles me, I jump and throw the hose of the vacuum down to the floor.

8:27:30 a.m.: I go to the door, open it, and he says, “Boy, you’re up early getting things done!”  He means this sincerely.  He really thinks I’ve been up cleaning.  He begins to tell me about the weekend and updates me on the schedule.  I nod, smile, and pretend like I understand what he's talking about.  I try not to think about the pile of dog hair in which I'm standing, or the fact I that I probably smell because I've had the same clothes on since Saturday morning.

8:35 a.m.: After dragging suitcases, bags, a clarinet, and softball equipment back to the girls' rooms, I go to the bathroom and relieve myself after holding it since 8:15 am.

8:37 am: I go to the refrigerator, grab a Monster Absolutely Zero, and head out back to sit with the dogs.

9:00 a.m.: I come inside, locate laptop, take it to the kitchen table and begin writing Monday Listicles.  (Do you really think I do this ahead of time?)

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photo credit: boltron- via photo pin cc


  1. We are really on different schedules. I have trained myself to shut down by 10:30 to wake up at 4:30. But last night I stayed up and wrote from 1 - 3:30. I loved it. I was really awake till the last 10 minutes when I thought I'd go try and sleep. Some days I really wish that were the norm for me - being able to stay up in the quiet of the night to write.

  2. Haha - I love your list and it reminded me of when my ex-husband would return my (older) son to Sundays. I would feel so weird/awkward sometimes, worry about what my apartment looked like but also answer the door in my pajamas or sweats! I love the picture you used for this one :) Hope you had a good, quiet weekend - great list!

  3. Awesome sauce. That is EXACTLY what I would do in your position. :)

    ~The G is Silent.,

  4. I'm impressed by anyone who can stay up past midnight and actually get stuff done. For the record, I'm a Monday morning listicle writer too!

  5. Love the candor...happy listicles!

  6. I love how you nod like you understand but are totally thinking about something else. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.

  7. that is a great list. i love being up late as well and need a Pepsi Max first thing in the morning to start functioning. I really enjoy your blog!

  8. You don't?? I am shocked ;) Imagine if you had my dog living with you...
    Love your take on this list. LOVE!!!

  9. You make me laugh! I can't decide if I love the idea of you vacuuming at 8am or writing your monday Listicle at 9am on Monday---this is perfect---so Sperk!! I mean that in the nicest possible way! Erin

  10. I've been a stepmom for almost twelve years--we did the trade/face-off in a nice parking lot. Monday morning at home? Ewwww... Great list!

  11. At least he thought you were productive. I find myself doing a similar thing to my hubby. If he walks in and I look busy, then I can pretend I didn't spend the day on the computer, right? Thanks for linking up!!

  12. Hey. Acting the part is almost as good as...
    I would be doing exactly the same as you and nodding uhuh, uhuh, uhuh. I would probably have gone back to bed though. Too bad you have to start your week like that but I'm telling you. It's funny stuff to read. Nap in your future?


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