Friday, April 27, 2012

Core


She went to the window hoping the bright sun would bring her clarity. Stepping closer, her breath began to create a foggy circle of moisture on the glass. Increasing in size, the breath smudge obstructed her view of the tiny bird that hopped in the front yard.  She took a step back and wiped the spot with the sleeve of her sweater.

Examining the quick movement of the tiny bird reminded her of a time when her thoughts were full of hope and excitement.  Her mind was in such contrast to the awareness it possessed years ago.

The sun was warming her face but failing to fire her deliberation. She longed to be given indication that her thoughts were safe to explore.  She remembered past attempts to access responsiveness. 

Two years spent in talk therapy, six months in rehab, and four weeks devoted to working with an expert in E.M.D.R. gave her nothing but a penchant for navel-gazing.  An impulsive trip to Las Vegas, the spirituality retreat, a juicing diet, and the purchase of three purebred Chihuahuas propelled her into a financial mess and emotional bankruptcy. 

Her stomach began to cramp with hunger.  She abandoned the warm sun of the window for the chill of the refrigerator.  Her eyes quickly scanned its lack of contents landing upon a half empty bag of apples that had occupied the bottom shelf for two months.  For a second she contemplated going out for something fresh to eat.  Indolence quickly provoked her to grab the questionable fruit.

She made her way to the couch.  She reclined with her head on a throw pillow which was propped up by her right arm bent beneath.  Her left hand held her sustenance.  She ate.

The first bite alerted her body to the fact that it was finally being fed after many days of forced fasting.  Everything felt as if it jumped into high gear.  She devoured the apple with such fervor that she didn't even taste it.  The sound of the meat of the fruit being mashed by her jaw was her primary focus until almost choking upon a seed.

Startled, she sat up, spit the seed out into the palm of her hand, and placed the kernel back into its crevice.

She went to the window hoping the bright sun would confirm her sudden clarity.  The little bird, still busy hopping on the lawn, took three jumps and launched to the sky.  Her feathered friend flew away taking indolence with it.

Stepping closer to the glass, she watched her breath form a foggy circle of moisture as she whispered, "Well thank you, little bird.  My core is OK."


Originally created in response to prompt below. Edited, rewritten, sweated upon for Yeah Write, because I'm an addict. I admit it.  And I'm powerless.








Write On Edge: Red-Writing-Hood

Red Writing Hood is a writing meme at Write on Edge.  
This weeks's prompt: 
For this week, I’m giving you the word “Core.” 
You have 450 words to explore any meaning of the word 
in a work of creative non-fiction/memoir or fiction. 



photo credit: keepps via photo pin cc

47 comments:

  1. You had me at self-awareness. I her place at the end. Its hopeful

    Good job

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    1. Thanks, Lance. I really appreciate you taking the time to come by and read it. Have a great weekend.

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  2. Really interesting stuff. I'd love to know more about what she is recovering from. I think this could make a great story. I love how she doesn't know if she can trust herself in the beginning, that is so common among recovering addicts.

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    1. Thanks, Lindy. I'm not certain what she is recovering from. It surely could be addiction, but I am leaning towards a journey of healing from childhood abuse. Addiction and all that horrible stuff we put ourselves through are symptoms of trauma, left unresolved, in need of healing. We'll find out if she shows up again. She somewhat scared me...so...we'll see.

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  3. ~~~~Stepping closer to the glass, she watched her breath form a circle of moisture as she whispered, "Well thank you, little bird. My core is OK."~~~

    Loved this.

    Great Writing <3 X

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    1. I'm glad you liked it. I was hoping it didn't come across as insincere. It's sometimes the little moments that are the most significant in our evolution of self.

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  4. The questing you sent her on to "be ok" is incredible. I can see so many people searching for that feeling of being ok through just such measures as you described and not finding it until they look inside themselves. Well done.

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    1. Thanks, Whisper. You really got it. I am relieved. Wasn't sure if I was successful in what I was attempting to articulate. Appreciate the feedback.

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  5. This was beautifully done, you set the scene so well that I was watching it instead of reading it. I could see the front lawn outside, I saw the color of her sweater and where she sat. And I love the little bird. I can relate to your main character. Thanks for writing this!

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  6. Hi.

    Let me start by telling you how much i enjoyed reading this piece. I could picture your protagonist. She seemed so real and i enjoyed the way you have weaved through your words. Simply beautiful :)

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  7. This piece is intriuging to me. I hadn't heard of EMDR, so I googled that to read a bit about it. I'd love to know what she is recovering from, and if the eating is part of that or part of some other spiritual searching she's undertaking. I enjoyed the little moments in this that really bring it to life: her biting into the seed and seeing the bird were both lovely.

    Though well written, I think the second paragraph is unnecessary for this particular moment.

    The end is hopeful, which works well with the bird imagery.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback. I tried it without the entire second paragraph, but leaving the first bit about the bird and I do like it. http://www.blogher.com/core-0

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  8. I like how you used the bird as a catalyst to her own self-awareness. If she had looked out the window and not seen the bird, I wonder if the chance to examine her core would have passed.

    Great writing!

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  9. This bought me to tears.... in a good way. I identified with her so much you might has well been writing about me. My morning was exactly like hers. Your words, your story, the little bird has turned my day around. Thank you.

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    1. Hi Lucy. Isn't it strange how sometimes we come across just the right thing at the right time? Like the bird or choking on the seed in this little story...you came across this post. Glad you found it and I appreciate the comment.

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  10. So powerful...thank for having the courage to share.

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  11. Kick ass writing. I loved it all- the bird, the seed, the sincerity. Well done!

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  12. The imagery here is entrancing. It's difficult for writers to describe a "waiting" without fostering a reluctance in the reader. I think you successfully navigated the delicate balance between poetic phrasing and forward momentum. I love the transition from the warmth to the chill the best I think. Very well played!

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  13. I always love it when people share these small moments, but I really got swept up in this story! The part where she was eating the apple and listening to the sound of the fruit as she mashed it in her jaws seemed especially vivid to me. Well done!

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  14. I too got caught up in the mashing of the apple-meat, great description!

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  15. She just needs to be. Accept the moment she's living in. Embrace her feelings, they're there for a reason.

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  16. Nice piece of introspection and self acceptance. Others wondered what she was recovering from but I don't think it matters. She's checking in with herself, seeing how she feels after all that's come before. She determines that she is ok. At least for now. Nicely done.

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  17. Oh Kimberly, that was awesome!!!

    ~The G is Silent

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  18. Hmm...a good piece! I like how you brought "core" in. Very nice.

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  19. I *love* this. The "little bird" quirk of speech is exactly the type of dialog that makes the person seem real. It's one of the things I wish I could do! Well done.

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  20. "The purchase of three purebred Chihuahuas propelled her into a financial mess and emotional bankruptcy." I feel like I've been in that place, but with long-haired dachshunds.

    I really like the way you provide a lot of background information through short little hints. Very interesting.

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    1. How many dachshunds did you get? I love my little ones, but boy they are a long term commitment compared to the instant remedy that was sought in getting them.

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  21. Beautiful. I love how sometimes we seek answers in all places but when we seek solace in nature, we often times find our true selves.

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  22. Nice! I can imagine a number of places to go with "core" from the obvious apple to the workouts of the same name, but I think you captured the true essence of the word...even if there wasn't any hot lava like vomit from the questionable fruit... (sorry had to go to another obvious core reference)

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

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  23. Beautiful piece. I was totally drawn in and take in there by your words. It totally left me wanting much much more! -LV

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  24. I liked the symmetry of this, with the hint of resolution at the end.

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  25. This is a very interesting piece. I want to know more about her and her story!

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  26. Wow. This was exceptional. I loved it so much I read it twice and got something more out of it when I did. You really brought her back to life and hope so viscerally.

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    1. Hi Kim S. I'm also Kim S. (That made me smile and hopefully wasn't annoying to anyone;)). I am really taken aback by you reading it twice. Thanks for your feedback. I love that you saw hope beginning to thrive.

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  27. That was awesome! Great job. I always love coming to read what you've written. It's so vivid and real.

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    1. Thanks, Delilah. High compliment and I'm grateful.

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  28. I related to the emotional bankruptcy for sure. Great response to the prompt.

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  29. I loved this. The comparison to the bird was dead-on. I've felt that same sense of urgency and energy. And your ending really rings with an understated kind of hope. Nicely written!

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  30. I love the detail of the Chihuahuas propelling her into financial ruin (and I did recently read that the cost of raising a dog is $25,000 over its lifetime), and also getting back to the older and more profound use of "core." So tired of hearing about how I need to work my abs! What about my real core?! Lovely post as always.

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  31. Love this. I felt myself focusing on every detail right along with her. Also - and unrelated - thank you so much for the Twitter article! I really appreciate it! I am obviously very slow to catch on, but things have been crazy here. I'm hoping to be back with Yeah Write, Twitter, and all the rest within the next couple weeks!

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  32. Nicely done. I'm with Louise - the chichuahuas add a fabulous (and ok, kind of funny) detail - but there is real precision in how you're telling this story and that's hard to do. go you.

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  33. Beautifully written. You are a great story teller and have come through so much. Truly soul touching.

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  34. Solid writing. I loved the parallels you drew, the pacing, and the imagery. She would be a bit of a frightening character to have in your life, except for the fact that her core was strong and full of potential, like the seeds. Ellen

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    1. So glad you got the significance of the seeds. ;)

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